i've decided to create a blog for 2006. before i was hesitant to do so coz this thing for me needed much time and attention. but then i realized that i should take some changes this coming year. i just have a feeling that this year is my year so i have to keep recorders.

1st account of 2006!!!

i think this is the best time for me to thank my SOUL BARKADAS, MY SINGKADA. Actually ive been planning to do this last week but due to the holiday rush i have to pending this one. But now...hahaha...im glad i got a chance.

1st-stephen mark anthony noel- grabe pare i owe you sooooo muuuuucccchhh. great experiences sa mga places that ive never been before. especially when you introduce redbox to us. i will never ever forget that. every corner dun special sa akin dahil kasama ko kayo. thanks for all your support and sacrifices. da best ka! thank you for listening sa lahat ng drama ko sa buhay. sori sa abala ha. thank you sa mga cd's at sa pag share ng boys be na vcd. all i can offer to you is my genuine frienship and the promise that i will always stand for you.

2nd-james "jaime" francisco-friendship your d best also... i owe you din soooo muuuucccchhh. grabe pagsisisihan ko buong buhay ko kung hindi kita binigyan ng chance maging friend ko. your like a brother to me. in behalf of my family, thank you for your unfathomable support to us. your a heaven sent. hindi ko kayang pagpalit friendship naten nila ate. love ko po kayo.

3rd-teresa "tesang" padilla-i never told you that you are one of my bestfriend. now you know na. at first i was really hesitant to get close to you because we are very different from one another. but i guess GOD made the right choice of bringing us together as friends. I thank him so much for that. thank you for all your support, care, understanding and love. your the a person i can always count on. just remember you can count on me too. you have shown me true friendship.

4th-paul jeffrey borja-thanks for the memories.

5th-jun "junix" boñales-thank you for being yourself. thanks for the good laugh. you have shown me that indeed life is beautiful despite its complexities. from you i learn to be strong. you just don't know how much it means to me. i miss you na talaga. just keep in mind that now matter how busy you are at work, family and to your hubby, there is always someone who prays for your success and safety.

6th-timothy john "tim" constantino-i thank you for bringing out the best in me. without you i will never appreciate myself as much as i appreciate others. i learned so much from you. thanks for your advices and for making me realized that pain and hurt never fades. well just get used to it. i feel the sense of belongingness in you and thank ive felt your sincere friendship in me.

7th-alex herbosa-you can count on me lex. you moved me with your stories and experiences. i do appreciate your openness and uniqueness. thank you.

8th-mervin gonzales-wow i salute you. great love comes from a sincere heart. ive learned that from you. you are an epitome of a great man who fight for the one he loved.

9th-edwin reyes-thanks for your friendship. take care

10th-kenjie enriquez-thanks for great stories and for the fun. i will never forget the american guy along makati. that's one of my memorable experiences.

to all my friends both past and present...guys i will never consider money, nor fame, nor beauty as my treasure but all of you. you who have made me a better cathy. you ponder me with good wisdom, love and true friendship. indeed we have differences but still you have shown me that we can break that barrier. i will stand with you might not forever but always. i kept you all in my heart. i might be dead today, tomorrow or the next day but i will never forget the memories i have with you all. thank you from the bottom of my heart...love you all... god bless. LET'S ALL LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST!!!

Last night I was able to reunite again with my girlfriends. We went to a birthday party. I must admit that I missed their company already. Though we used to see each other in the office we hardly find sometime to talk. And gladly, the heaven has its way. I drink a little while most of them are drunk already. But still we managed to have a good conversation. They opened up all their problems concerning relationships, may it be a marital relation or a boyfriend-girlfriend condition. That was absolutely a good time for me to hear from them things like that. I almost cried while one by one take turns on sharing their stories. It really broke my heart to know their problems. I just thought to myself, "I am lucky for not having worries like that". It's because I don't have boyfriend so far. I don't understand why some guys are like that. Everyone knows that the female species are vulnerable. And that all we wanted from a partner is love and care. I don't know but I've made up my mind. I will be very cautious now in choosing a guy. I can wait even for a long time but I can't take it to have a dysfunctional relationship. I will never defy my own standards just to have a special someone. God knows what's good for me. It only requires for me to be patient and kind to animal (male species), ofcourse except the gays, bisexual and transexual...hehehe...I learned from them so much. Their struggles and sacrifices for the one they love moved me. Somehow they help me to have a different point of view in loving and living the way I want it to be.

love is indeed the most precious of all Gods gift to mankind . I am very glad because despite the pains and rejection that I've gain from the people I've loved, still I am capable of giving.

The other day while I was doing my stuff in our office, I was able to grab a book written by Joseph A. Galson, S.J. entitled " The Mustard Seed: Reflections for daily living". I am so struck with one of its topic there "Gamblers in Love". Because I am inspired I have decided to put into writing the lessons I've got and wanted to share with you guys. From there I've realized the necessity for us to gamble Gods love and human love as well,meaning we need to take a chance on love. It's easy to gamble Gods love because he have proven himself worthy of love and so generous to shower us every day of our lives. But its much harder to gamble on human love, because we tend to have doubts in mind in doing so. Say for example in friendship, we are not always sure that our friend will be a truly good friend. In marital relation, we cannot always be sure that a man will make a good husband and father, or that a woman will be a good wife and mother. Or that he or she will love us forever " for better or for worse till death do us part". The evidence isnt always around. Thus, it takes us courage to be a gambler in love to conquer our fears and insecurities. We have to take the risk. Sometimes in our relentless effort in finding the kind of love that we desire, we failed to recognize whats in front of us. On the other hand, there are some people who are afraid to reach out because they have rejected in the past and are afraid of getting hurt again. But God never wants us to be like that. He encourages ujs by setting an example in loving selflessly. Taking risk in the path that  was not familiar to us is not an easy task. But we have to be strong and of good courage even in relationship that we want to establish. Heartaches, pains and sorrows are anywhere, but if we try to look at its bright side we will discover that they are the ones that teach us to be wise and molded us in order to become a better person. Though there are people who are reluctant of our love, we have to love them more. At any rate loving is what is life is all about. And that we are all here to exist and to co-exist.

God takes chance on us, as Christians we have to have faith and follow God. Lets all love one another. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL!!!

In each and everyone's journey there is always a time where in we will question our purpose in life that drives us to try finding and proving our worth. Each individual have different encounters over trials, sufferings, and miseries. On the contrary, we also find solace, happiness, fulfillment and joy. These perhaps have molded us into a kind of individual we never thought we are. its really tough to pretend that were fine when we found something's going on.

When i came to realized that I have to work on my own, I was nervous. That was actually my greatest fear of all, to be alone. I am a very outgoing person surrounded by people, whom I don't know if they understand how I feel or they just want to be understood. Sometimes I just thought I'm having advance thinking or I might be having behavioral problems. Of course, like anybody else I have outlets to cope up. I inclined myself into reading alot of self help books, listening to different genres of music, and of writing different things under the sun. I want to understand others, same with my desire for them to understand me.

Sometimes, i consider myself a lost soul, almost giving up the fight. One day I've experience being so helpless. When friends are hard to find. When no one's there to comfort me. I cried my heart out specially during the time that realities hitted me. It was like an inner voice shouting over me. That really hurts. From then on I began to question "friendship" and its "ingenuity". I began to ask myself whether I should trust anyone again. Yes, I've been betrayed many times. I have regrets. Someone have promise me to stay with me, but that thing didn't happen. And what I did for myself, I just let them have their own way. I choose to stay out of anyone's life. But now I'm beginning to see myself again being attached to someone else's life. I don't like this feeling. I want to get out from this but I'm afraid as much as I don't want to hurt others.

I want to express myself the way I want it to be. I don't want to walk anyone's shadow so im keeping myself out of the limelight. I want to say anything I want to say. I want to express who really I am. Honestly, I am being affected with both internal and external factors around me. But the worst of them all is that I have to fight against myself. I'm struggling. I'm in the point of my life that everything in me is being tested. My faith, my conviction, my relationship with my family and friends, my present condition, my future, and my all.

I only have simple dreams, and that is to live my life to the fullest. Where no one intervene and ruled me except GOD. If you happen to know a place where we can find serenity, please let me know. I might need your help.

i have a friend who told me that he finds intimate and comforting when someone hugs him especially during those time that he was troubled. A hug from his parents, relatives or even other friends eases his pain. I will mention his name but i know he'll be surprised upon reading this article. Actually that is one of the best lessons ive gained from him.

at first, i find it weird because i'm not used to that kind of gesture and i must admit that i get alienated with the feeling. maybe it's because of the fact that when i was a kid i've experienced being hug by my parents very seldom. there are times that i feel bad towards other people who said that unloved child grows up to be an unloving adult. And when a book ive read said that the greatest trauma a child could have is the feeling that they are not  loved. with that friend of mine i begun to realized the value of hugging and that i missed the time that he hugs me. im looking forward that someone would hug me when times get rough.

during my undergraduate course, i have this huge interest on a subject that tackles about psychologist abraham maslow's theory of needs. i believed that those five theories are very essentials in bringing up a better, complete and well motivated individuals. they are 1st, physiological need or the need to satisfy hunger, thirst, and so on. 2nd, security and safety need of the need to feel secure from danger and oppression. 3rd, belonginess and love need or the need to affiliate with others, to be accepted and loved. 4th, self-esteem or the need to achieve, to be competent and strong, to gain approval and recognition. 5th, self actualization or the need to find self-fulfillment, to realize one's potential and to become what one is capable of becoming.

some people are reluctant to admit that we all need to be loved. indeed, psychologist proved that the most common cause of child deliquency and separation is the inadequate expression of love and affection. we must accept that we all need to feel that we are important to somebody else, that other person needs us and us to them. we all need somebody to lean on, someone we can talk to, someone who can understand without condemning us and someone who believes in us. ive observed not only to myself that a person tends to do something good beyond anyone's expectation when someone backs them up and support them to all their endeavours even through their mere presence and a tap on the shoulder. they say even strongest man, needs someone whom he can depend on.

hug makes a difference for it expresses our sincerest love and emphaty. its easier to love when we know we are loved. it's not difficult to show how appreciative we are to one another by comforting others. if everyone in this world could learn this simle expression of love we can all find solace despite our own woundedness.

I was able to grab again the old reflection book that ive read few months ago. my heart skip a beat as i turned the page and saw a title "letting go" this is exactly one of the thing that im working on for myself these past few years.

ive come to know that one of our biggest problem in life is that we dont know how to let go. we want too many things and we hang on to them tightly. its bad enough when they are material things and possessions but its even worse when they are people. just like the story of husband and wife on that same book. when the wife first heard the news about her husbands disappearance, she went to the window where she kept a rare songbird in a gold cage. she let go of the bird and let it fly away. its a simple story about possessiveness and letting go that bringfort lesson to everyone who read it, like me.

sometimes, like the wife, we find a bird that we love very much and we want to hang on to it at all cost. we squeeze it tight in our hand so it wont fly away. without realizing that we can hold on to the bird tightly but we can also run the risk of crushing it. where we can open our hands and let the bird fly, and if the bird stays in our open hand, then we will know that the bird loves us. same with people.

we can only find ourselves and the happiness that we want when we learn to let go of things and people. we have to set them free. just like a running water in a river, it goes on and on. let us all take sometime to ask ourselves if in one way or another we became possessive? if we dominate people too much? or are we running after happiness too anxiously and too fanatically? why should we hold on to a relationship or situation with no exact direction as to where it is heading to? face the reality that things fades and people just come and go in our lives. we are all bound to different direction with one common goal and that is to glorify GOD.

when we let go of somebody it doesnt mean well forget them or erased them in our system. memories lives on and las forever in our hearts. that is something that cant be grasp by our bare hands but cant be disposed for a lifetime.

letting go is not easy, it can break our hearts and tear us apart. but this is one of the greatest sacrifice a person could do for someone dear to them. letting go of someone from your past, someone who died or dying, your friends, enemies, your most valuable possessions, money, power, luxury or even that someone who occupies the biggest portion of your heart. when we let go of someone, that only proves our unconditional love for them for we are willing to give up ourselves for their happiness. love begets love and that GOD is good all the time. Let go now. 

Paano ko sasabihin

Ang sinisigaw ng damdamin

Paano ba aaminin

Ako sayo'y may pagtingin

Nangangamba ang isip

Kung ito'y malalaman mo

Tunay na laman ng puso ko

Baka ikaw ay lumayo

Chorus

Idadaan na lamang sa awitin

Pag-ibig na alay ko

Pakinggan mo na lang ang himig

Na mula sa puso ko

Din a baleng ako'y masaktan

Sa tunay na nararamdaman

Upang kahit sa Kanta, Mahal

Ikaw ay aking makasama

Pinilit kung wag kang ibigin

Ngunit puso ang nagdidikta

Sa bawat araw ay hanap ka

Sa pangarap koy kasama ka

Kahit pa anong mangyari

Ang puso ko'y laan sa'yo

Kahit nga ba kaibigan lang ako

Diyan sa Puso mo

(Repeat Chorus)

Ahhh….Kahit sa kanta, Mahal

Ikaw ay aking makasama